You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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