Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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