I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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