you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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