Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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