i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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