You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
