I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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