just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He did a backflip because drugs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
