My brain says no but my pants say off.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
