I wish life had little blips of pornography
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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