need another drink. this is the easiest way
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
