I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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