the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
