Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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