I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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