This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
