some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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