I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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