saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
