Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
im on a boat
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