Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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