At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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