sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
