Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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