I hope mine doesn't look like that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
