dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
