wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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