i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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