You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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