3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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