508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
