a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
