This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
