2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
