Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
