does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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