i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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