You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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