singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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