They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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