Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
