haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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