The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
