I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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