Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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