dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize