She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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