now i know why i became what i already was.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
