Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
