im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
