Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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