im having a threesome with these popsicles
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
