You smell like stripper and shame
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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