take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
