you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
