dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
