Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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