atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
