I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He did a backflip because drugs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
