JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
