Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
