$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
