maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my liver is dry heaving
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