He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
