Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
